Men... Let's Talk About Rape

Rape is about violence, not sex.

What do you think rape is? Something that happens to a woman walking alone at night down a deserted street? But what about not taking "no" for an answer in the belief that she probably meant "yes"? Rape is a lot of things - forcing, pressuring, coercing, deceiving, or intimidating a person into a sexual act. Rape is an abuse of power, a despicable deceit, an act of violence, a violation of trust.

You probably know someone who has been a victim, of sexual assault - or maybe even know someone who has raped. One in four women and one in 10 men are raped in their lifetime. Over 98 percent of the perpetrators are men.

Rape is an issue for men because it is predominantly men who rape. You have the ability and responsibility to help stop rape.

Help change attitudes and reassess your own beliefs and myths. Help stop sexual abuse.

Do you have an attitude problem?

Shatter your misconceptions. Rape is not about sex. All rape is a deliberate act of physical, emotional or psychological violence by one person against another. Rapists rape on purpose. Changing attitudes can help stop the incidence of rape. Know fact from fiction.

FICTION: "Women enjoy being raped."
FACT: Rape is a violent and humiliating experience. Nobody enjoys being raped.

FICTION: "Nice women don't get raped."
FACT: There is no particular kind or age of woman who is raped.

FICTION: "Normal men don't rape."
FACT: Most rapists are not "strange", "wierd", or "mentally unstable" men. A rapist is someone's father, brother, mate, fellow student, colleague...

FICTION: "Men can't help themselver. Rape happens when men can't control their sexual urges."
FACT: A man's sexuality is not a separate entity over which he has no control. Men who rape choose to rape.

FICTION: "Women who have been raped ask for it."
FACT: Rape is a violent crime that no-one ever asks for, and is unrelated to how they dress, act or think.

FICTION: "Most women are raped by strangers - at night in dark, deserted public places."
FACT: Approximately 80 percent of rapes are perpetrated by men known to the person who is raped.

FICTION: "Most rape complaints are false"
FACT: Most rape complaints are true and most rapes are never reported to the police.

FICTION: "Men are raped only by gay men."
FACT: Most men who rape other men identify as heterosexual.

Get real.

ASK

  • Communicate openly and honestly with anyone you wish to be intimate with.

DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS

  • Do not assume that if a person wants affection or foreplay/sexplay that they also want sexual intercourse.
  • Do not assume that the presence of condoms or other sex devices means intercourse has to occur.

LISTEN

  • Take "no" for an answer - not as a challenge. If you don't, it's rape.

RESPECT

  • Respect the other person's answers and communications - people have the right to change their minds.

STOP VIOLENCE

  • Everyone gets frustrated - but violence is not the answer. Get away from a situation until you can think calmly. If you can't control your aggressive or violent behaviour, seek help.

ALCOHOL AND OTHER DRUGS - NO DEFENSE

  • Being drunk or stoned is no excuse and does not provide a legal defense to violent behaviour. If the other person cannot intelligibly consent, any sexual contact is unnacceptable.

How can you help stop sexual violence?

You can make a difference.

SPEAK UP

  • It may seem difficult to speak out about sexual violence - but it's harder to live with the consequences if you don't. Talk to friends and change attitudes about ideas and beliefs that support and encourage violence.

HELP OTHERS

  • Violence can erupt anywhere, on or off campus, and at any time. It can include verbal abuse, bullying, rude or suggestive comments, harrassment, unwanted touching - or worse. If someone around you seems to be uncomfortable or having difficulties, get assistance for them or find a way to intervene safely. Don't just walk away.

SUPPORT STRATEGIES

If someone you know has been raped:

  • listen to them and accept that they have the right to choose how much they want to tell you;
  • respect their wishes in what you do with that information;
  • share the information and contact numbers in this pamphlet with them.

A pamphlet on rape with information specifically directed towards women is also available.

IF YOU HAVE BEEN RAPED...

You have the right to be supported.

  • It is entirely your decision whether or not to report the rape.
  • You can tell who you want as much as you want.
  • Optional support is available at all stages of the process. Check contacts on the UniSafe index page.
  • It is never too late to report. If you choose to report to the police, they request you do so as soon as possible for reasons of evidence.